I was having a conversation with an out-of-state friend recently, in which she said, “I really want to try this restaurant near my house, but I have no one to go with.” “Why don’t you just go by yourself then?” I replied. She let out a nervous laugh.
“I don’t want to look stupid.”
I encouraged my friend to try it anyways, but the conversation left me thinking. Personally, I like doing things alone. It never really enters my train of thought that I might look silly or feel lonely exploring the world by myself. In the past, I’ve been to concerts, restaurants, parties, and even on international trips on my own. Though, while I usually enjoy alone time, I can empathize with the pangs of nervousness that feeling like an outsider can bring.
What do you think? Would you ever eat (or do other group-oriented activities) by yourself? Is there a certain point where you’d draw the line? Do you think this has anything to do with introversion vs. extroversion? And if you prefer not to do certain things by yourself, what is your particular reasoning?
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment and let’s get the discussion going! 🙂
Photo via realsmiley / Flickr CC
Interesting topic! I would (and have plenty of times) been to a restaurant alone. I would prefer to have good company with me of course, but I’d rather go by myself than to drag someone else along. I think it’s important to do what you want regardless of who’ll go with you because those wants aren’t always going to match up to those of others and you shouldn’t deprive yourself 🙂
Amen, Cynthia! I think you perfectly summarized how I feel — that I enjoy being both alone and with people, and that it’s usually derived from not wanting to compromise the things I want to do based on what other people feel like doing. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Maybe it’s cuz we’re both INFJ’s…. makes sense!
There is an episode of Friends where Rachel eats alone, although she doesn’t like it in the end I think it would be wonderful to try! It is important to try what you want to try and waiting for someone else to be interested doesn’t always seem to work.
xo. Kailagh
Very true, Kailagh! Thanks for sharing. And I love the Friends reference. 😉
There’s a winery down the road from my house. I really want to go there one day by myself. Read a book, eat some cheese, and drink some wine. It sounds like the most relaxing thing ever, but I don’t know if I’d just end up worrying the whole time about how I looked. That’s cool that you’re able to bypass that and just relax being you!
Ohh that sounds like a neat place! I encourage you to try it. I bet you won’t be the only one who’s done that. 🙂
Haha this is an interesting topic. What your friend said reminds me of what my friend said, ‘how can you eat alone?! that’s so awkward!’ There have been others who’ve said similar things.
I used to eat alone in college often and I’m okay with it. I was initially hesitant about it but my mom just told me flat out, ‘What’s wrong with eating alone? It’s empowering.’ And it really is. It’s the best me time. Come on, food and people-watching? I dunno, I think it’s great.
I don’t know about other group-oriented events though – maybe I wouldn’t go to a party alone… And I don’t think it has anything to do with introversion and extroversion. My mom is an introvert and I’m an ambivert 😀
Food and people watching is my jam, too. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your perspective! 🙂
I go out to eat alone all the time. As a food blogger, it allows me to truly enjoy the meal without having to also focus my attention on my friends/family. (At times, it can be hard to do both). Also, it can be really enlightening to just have time to think for yourself as well.
If someone hasn’t done it before, I highly encourage it!
That’s a great point, Elizabeth! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I love eating at restaurants alone. Not that I have time to do it now that I have a kiddo, but I used to just bring a book and relax. Same with going to movies! (Minus the book, obviously.)
Y’know, I’ve never been to a movie by myself! I need to try that. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I’ve faced this a lot since moving to a new town and not knowing too many people. While I typically won’t eat out alone for dinner, I reserve my eating out for lunch since it’s nice to have a break from the office and get a little alone time along with a meal and a good book. I’m slowly but surely getting a little more adventurous and doing things alone. It beats sitting in my apartment alone 🙂
Thanks for sharing, Jess! I can definitely relate. 🙂
I have done it a lot. I did it more before I had friends here but I would still do it. I find it relaxing. I also would go to the movies by myself.
So many people have commented that they go to movies by themselves. For some reason the thought of doing that has never occurred to me! I need to try that. 🙂 Thanks for sharing, Julie!
I regularly eat lunch during the work day on my own and feel just peachy about it. But that’s because most people in my geographical area are eating alone, too, so there is absolutely no awkwardness. But if I’m going to try a new place, it’s just as much about the shared experience with a friend as it is the food, so I much prefer to bring someone along!
Very true, Brianne! I think I’ve realized the same thing about certain activities — some are just better when you have someone to share them with. 🙂
I eat at restaurants alone all the time, but I’m a mom and the quiet and alone time is therapeutic for me lol
Another mom said the same thing! Interesting how the things we love change when we have kids. Thanks for sharing, Brittney. 🙂
I usually have a good book when I’m off having a meal on my own, which some people tend to think is cheating haha.
haha true! I guess because you’re wrapped in another world with characters as friends. 🙂
I really don’t know if I’ve gone out to eat alone, but that’s because going out to eat is more of a social activity for me, not really about the food. I LOVE doing other stuff alone that other people do in groups, like going to museums, shopping, going to the gym, etc. I’m an introvert, so I prefer to be alone a lot. I haven’t gotten to travel significantly alone yet, but would love to do that, too.
Interesting perspective, and I totally agree! I think the viewpoint that going out to eat is about the social activity rather than the food is a neat one to have. 🙂
The first time I did stuff alone in my hometown, I felt weird and out of place. This is probably because it was during my pre-Kindle days when I always forgot to bring a book. Expat-ing made me more comfortable with going solo, and these days I don’t even notice. I still don’t do some things alone, though, but that’s more because I have a terrible sense of direction. Terrible. I could get lost in a room with two exits, and I always lose my car unless I make a detailed mental note of my surroundings. So, sometimes doing stuff alone requires studying street maps (even in my hometown) and I get lazy.
Interesting! Thanks for sharing, Marielle. 🙂 (I also have a terrible sense of direction btw!)
I would have said the same thing as you! I like to do things both alone or with people. Especially when I travel for work I eat alone and explore a new city alone. I actually think it is pretty fun!
I’m with ya Elizabeth! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I do a lot of things with just my 16 month old son and I enjoy it. I do try to invite friends along as much as possible because I enjoy the company and I really like to talk. But I don’t think there’s any problem with going and doing things by yourself. I feel like it’s easier to meet and talk to new people if you’re by yourself as opposed to with friends, too.
Good points, Chloe! Thank you for sharing. 🙂
I struggle with this at college. Going to the cafeteria alone for breakfast or lunch doesn’t bother me, but for some reason I never want to go to dinner alone. I’m always afraid that someone I know will see me with a book by myself and pity me. Nothing is worse than pity!
Great discussion point Melyssa! I’ll have to work on putting aside my fear and enjoy!
-Alyssa
Keep It Simple
This is a good point, Alyssa! I think I would’ve felt a little more nervous about eating alone during college (though I sometimes did). It’s funny how the school environment can make us feel like we have to keep up with people. I encourage you to try it though! I think the hardest part is usually that first meal. 🙂
I had the same conversation with my boyfriend two days ago: i was exhausted and didn’t feel like going out to eat and he told me that he didn’t mind going on his own. And I know that he really didn’t mind, he just wanted to try this new restaurant but i thought it would be weird and i kinda felt guilty to let him go alone so i went with him – totally worth it in the end, the meal was delicious! I would personally feel uncomfortable if i had to seat at a restaurant on my own, and i feel impressed by the people who are confident enough to do so!
i’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking a trip on my own, but somehow i’m just afraid to do it. I really enjoy alone time though: i love and need to be on my own and i’m more of an introvert, so i don’t know, maybe one day i’ll have the guts to do it! 🙂
http://maellemarie.blogspot.fr/
Thanks for sharing that, Maelle! I think you should definitely take a trip by yourself sometime. 🙂 Even if it’s not too far from your house, it’s really liberating! I think I was most scared of when I went on an international trip by myself (mostly for my safety), but it ended up being better than expected and totally safe. 🙂
This is something I’ve been meaning to do! Since blogging I find myself wanting to explore different places and things, but not everyone around me shares my passion for that. So yeah. I definitely need to start doing some things solo.
Do it! I think I started exploring more on my own for the same reason, and because it’s easier to plan a day out with just yourself than trying to wrangle together all your friends. 🙂
Will do and thanks for the motivation!
I used to think I could never do anything like that! I got married and a few days after the wedding my husband left for a 3 month tour on the ship he was serving on. It was such a growing experience. I was having a hard time writing our thank you cards for our wedding, so I loaded everything into a tote bag and drove to our local Chili’s. Chili’s is a comfortable restaurant- one you’d go to before a movie, or just for a quick lunch or dinner, nothing fancy! I sat down, unloaded all my tools to write my cards, told the waitress I would have a drink and dessert before dinner, and sat there and wrote them out. It wasn’t so bad being alone, because I was busy too! During his following deployments I made a goal of dining alone and going to the movies alone once a month. I found I really like it! It’s relaxing, and quiet even if the restaurant is loud- it’s just you with your thoughts! It was super awkward working myself up to doing it, but I did it so much, now I don’t even think about it!
I love that you shared your whole story of how you got to feeling comfortable with alone time (and even liking it). I think we all start to feel comfortable with being alone at some point and it usually takes something interesting, like deployment, to get us there. Thanks for sharing, Elizabeth! 🙂
Though I rarely go to restaurants alone, I eat alone constantly at quicker places without sit-down service (Panera, Noodles & Company, etc.). I just bring a book and enjoy some down time on my lunch breaks from work! I find it very relaxing to not worry about making conversation or getting into a time crunch, but I’m also the type of person that enjoys doing things solo . . . so, I guess it’s just a personal preference. If I had to sit at a table with a server coming by to check on me without a book or anything to distract me, I’d probably feel uncomfortable — but maybe not! It’s all about just doing what feels good to you.
Y’know, I think you have a good point! I’m not sure I’ve ever been to a nice restaurant with a server by myself, but I’ve definitely been to Panera and similar places. Perhaps those types of places are more common for people who are flyin’ solo because people bring their books or computers. Interesting to think about — thanks for sharing, Meg!
It used to scare me, but since having children, I cherish ever single moment I can have alone. I love my time with my kids but alone time doesn’t come about too often. Eating in a restaurant with a good book and a glass of wine is one of my guilty pleasures!
Funny how things change, right? Thanks for sharing your perspective, Shannon! 🙂
I love doing things alone! Sit-down restaurants can get a little awkward, in my fairly limited experience, but having something to do and/or sitting at the bar makes it infinitely easier. I’ve learned that no one gives a crap if you’re out in public by yourself, so the only one feeling stupid/weird/awkward about it is you. Once you figure that out for yourself, it’s SO liberating! 🙂
Right on, sister! I think you nailed it on the head with that last part. 🙂
A couple years ago I took a trip to Israel and France by myself, for about a month. There were times during the trip that I met up with friends, or found people in hostels to hang out with. But I spent a lot of time by myself, including meals. It was a challenge at first, but eventually I became much more comfortable eating by myself. For me, the key is to sit in a good people watching spot and bring the newspaper. I feel more comfortable having something to do when eating by myself. And I find I focus on the experience of eating more, enjoy the specialness of going out to eat and having some precious time alone.
Claire
I love that! Especially the part about people watching. I love to people watch! It’s funny how, even when we enjoy alone time, we’re still surrounding ourselves with other people’s stories.
I eat alone all the time! If I can’t find someone to go with me — I still need to eat. I usually just sit at the bar + make new friends — so it’s never really “alone” for too long now that I think about it..
haha very interesting point!
I do lots of things by myself! Eating out is one of them, I just bring a book with me and it’s perfect!
Yeah! I agree! 🙂
I actually felt the same way as your friend at one point. I was just telling my best friend about how I used to feel sympathy for people sitting alone and would invite them to my table. I didn’t realize how nice dining alone is until I went on a date with myself a few years ago. It was fantastic! I do a lot of things alone, so I don’t know why it took me so long to realize eating alone isn’t some crazy thing.
That’s awesome! I love how much your perspective changed, but that each of your viewpoints were rooted in care. How wonderful! I’m glad you like eating alone now though. 🙂
I’m an introvert, but the thought of eating alone at a restaurant is too depressing for me. I would never do it. I feel like food is meant to be enjoyed with others. I would also feel like a loser sitting at a table by myself while waiting for the food.
Interesting! I’m an introvert too, but I enjoy eating alone sometimes. Different strokes I guess. 🙂
I used to enjoy going out to eat alone more than I do now, but I still do it. It was something I got used to living abroad and although it was intimidating at first, I became accustomed to it and so it doesn’t really bother me.
Good point! I think living abroad is where I began to love doing things alone more often.
I’ve never gone to a restaurant by myself, but I used to go to concerts alone all the time. I always had fun and usually ran into someone I knew. I still enjoy going to movies by myself too, especially if I know it’s going to be a cheesy chick flick and don’t want any comments from someone (I am easily entertained by most movies). I’m not sure that I would ever go eat alone, I enjoy trying new food and for me half the fun is sharing it with someone. But I definitely think everyone should try doing some kind of social activity alone sometime, it’s a cool experience.
I agree — definitely a cool experience. I’m actually not sure I’ve been to a movie alone, but I’ll have to try that! 🙂
Oh yes!! it’s so awesome to go alone! i did that when i was 14.. i wanted to go alone to the movies, and till i walked in i thought everyone were looking at me. after then though i discovered how beautiful it is to spend sometime with yourself
That’s awesome, Corina! I definitely agree.
I very much enjoy doing things by myself — especially traveling. I’m a huge advocate for every person traveling by themselves at least once.
I totally agree! 🙂
I used to be terrified of eating alone, but now I will do it occasionally. I still hesitate though. My biggest fear used to be travelling alone, but then when last minute circumstances left me alone in Dublin for a few days, I came to realize that it’s actually not that bad, and even enjoyable! You get to do what you want, eat where you want, and if you’re tired or bored, you can leave when you want!
-Rachel @ With Love, Rachel
I think that’s why I like doing things alone! haha. I enjoy the freedom of doing what I want. I can relate to feeling nervous about traveling alone though — I was definitely most scared for that trip, but it ended up being great! 🙂
Been there, done that! But I usually prefer to eat with the company of others! It’s very unusual to see a Greek person eat all by themseves!
Interesting! Thanks for sharing Katerina!
I have done it a few times and I felt silly at first, but then I remembered that I’m doing this for me and I don’t care what other people say. Yes I’m the girl sitting alone at the restaurant, so what? I’ll read if I want to, or write, or just really enjoy my food 🙂
That’s awesome! I love that you pointed out “you’re doing this for me.” So true! Sometimes we forget that we don’t have to do things for other people. Doing it for ourselves is enough. 🙂
I feel awkward alone at restaurants. I know it’s silly but I can’t help it! I always bring a book to hide behind.
I really enjoy, and sometimes prefer, eating out alone. I especially like eating lunch alone during the work week; it’s time to myself to decompress and have a mental break from work. I’ve also been to the movies by myself, which I didn’t mind at all.
I feel like I am a complete mix of introvert and extrovert. I can chat easily with people wherever I go, yet I crave “me” time. At first, it can be kind of confusing to be split between the two, but it’s really nice to choose to have alone time. If I don’t want to be super chatty while out and about, I don’t have to be and that’s ok too.
Tori, I think everything you wrote here describes me to a T! Are we long lost twins?
After traveling a lot for work, I embraced eating on my own. I usually bring a book with me and just let my mind wander. It is very relaxing.
Amen to that! 🙂 I love when my mind gets to wander. 🙂
When I was a consultant, I used to eat alone at restaurants all of the time. However, I will say that the experience is far more comfortable if there’s a bar to sit at.
Interesting point!
I used to feel this way, and then I realized that eating alone… in pure silence is AWESOME! Having 2 needy kids will do that to you! Plus, I have my phone to keep me entertained!
haha very true! I’m glad you enjoy it now. 🙂
I’ve eaten at restaurants and gone on trips alone. Trips are easier – so much to do and see. Eating at a restaurant by myself is still a bit uncomfortable, though – I never know where to look, since I don’t have a dining companion to focus on and I don’t want to seem like I’m staring or eavesdropping on other tables. Usually I bring a book, or grab a newspaper from the stand if the place has one.
I often will have a coffee or lunch alone but a full meal in a busy restaurant, I would like to challenge myself to it but it may take me awhile to give it a try.
Years ago I traveled on my own for a while and learned the important skill of being happy on my own. It can be uncomfortable to eat alone at first but eventually you will come to enjoy treating yourself. That said, I do always tend to take a book with me, maximising alone time
I’ve gone to concerts alone and have never regretted it once I’d left the venue. Going into it alone though can be slightly nerve wracking. It’s getting over the fear of being judged, or talked about, or the paralyzing thought that you’re the only person who is there by themselves. Like I said, it’s always a blast and I even end up making a few friends, which is always fun.
I’m totally with you! I usually feel a little awkward standing in line by myself or waiting for the band to start and not knowing anyone. But once the show starts, my fears dissolve and I remember why I’m there in the first place. Thanks for sharing, Christine!
I just had dinner out alone on Saturday night. I love spending time on my own and I also enjoy going out with others. It has never prevented me from doing something just because I didn’t have someone to do it with. I don’t think twice about going to nice restaurants, the movies, traveling, etc. on my own.
That’s awesome, Tracy! I think you nailed it on the head with the word “prevent.” I think I like doing things alone, too, because I don’t like feeling like I can’t do something just because I have no one to do it with. Thanks for sharing!
I LOVE going to restaurants alone! Best time to read or people watch and always a good time to sip a tea.Then again I’m always up for company
I’ve no issue eating out alone, or seeing a movie alone or a play or concert. I don’t ever remember being hesitant about it but travelling solo as a 20year old possibly played a part in that. For a few years after returning from those travels, I had to travel for work reasonably often so solo dining just became the norm. Work would pay a decent amount for dinner so rather than opting for room service all the time, I’d make the most of the stipend and go for it.
I watched a movie all by myself before. I know it was comedy but I forgot the title. Lol. I’d like to try eating alone in a restaurant, as well as going on a trip all alone as well. While it’s fun to have people you can talk to and share some giggles and swap stories with, I think it’s pretty relaxing to spend time with yourself, be it staycation or going out.
I completely think this has to do with introversion! Personally, I think I’m an introvert and I love to just be alone but I also think it takes a bit of extroversion to go out in public and be around people alone. Especially in public and social places, i don’t know if that makes sense?
Totally makes sense! I think you’re probably on to something. I’m an introvert, too, but have a lot of extroverted characteristics. I think going out alone is kind of the best of both worlds, because you can chat with people around you if you want, but you can also sit back in your own little world at the same time. 🙂
Exactly! There is something calming also about just doing some things alone also, less pressure maybe?
Yes. I’ve learned to do things alone. Can’t let life pass you by waiting for someone to do things with you. I think it’s okay to eat at a restaurant alone once in awhile – relax and have “me” time.
I totally go to eat out by myself or even go to concerts by myself all of the time. I don’t think this is a weird thing to do at all. I find that I totally get way into the meal or show when I am by myself. And it isn’t like I am anti-social or socially awkward–it’s just I like to fully immerse myself in something that quite excites me. (I’m planning on going to see The Fault in Our Stars after work on Friday.) I will have to say I do draw the lines on certain things (for me it’s shopping for clothes because I can be an impulsive shopper.) It honestly allows you to develop a strong self-love for yourself. It makes you appreciate the relationships that you have with other people because you know how to make yourself happy–therefore you can apply those positive mental attitudes towards all relationships.
That’s an interesting thought about whether or not introversion and extroversion plays a part. I will go out to eat by myself and when I go shopping I like to be alone (unless I’m at certain places, like the Mall of America, because it’s so big and I don’t know my way around it since I never go so I go with people who know the mall better and quick trips out of the office with my coworker are always fun). One thing that I’d like to do alone, but have never done is go to a movie. And I haven’t been to a concert alone, but I don’t go to many concerts.
This is something that I want to work on! I used to be really comfortable doing this in college but as I have gotten older, somehow I started feeling weird about it. Kudos to you for going to concerts by yourself! That’s something that would be hard for me to do. I think that being an introvert is the part that makes it easier to go places on my own, in my opinion. I like being alone for myself, what gets me is when I start thinking about how others might see me. One thing I really like doing alone is going to movies and shopping! I actually feel more uncomfortable shopping with someone else than I do alone.
Oh, I definitely eat at restaurants alone if the time calls for it. There’s something so relaxing about grapping a single seat at the bar, opening a book, and enjoying some time alone. And this is coming from an EXTREMELY outgoing person!!! I actually wrote a post about this a while back – http://straightupzblog.com/2014/01/31/date-with-myself/ – and I really do consider it “going on a date with myself.” Because I am so outgoing, I sometimes have a hard time separating myself from people and this is a great way to MAKE myself step back. I really want to start going to the movies by myself as well, but Boston audiences are TERRIBLE anyway, so it’s almost never worth the money.
Is it fair if I answer yes and no? I’ve eaten out alone, maybe at a quick take-out like restaurant, but I don’t know if i’d ever have the guts to go to a fancy restaurant alone. I’d feel lonely and quite honestly i’d miss the company of anyone. I don’t think it really has to do if you’re an introvert or an extrovert, I think it has to do with what you do in your alone time in general. I’m the type of person that has always been surrounded by family or friends or company in general, so being alone sort of freaks me out. It’s out of the norm for me. This was a really good post! Thanks Melyssa! xo – Jessika
i prefer to do events like concerts and things like that with friends. I feel like it’s more fun with more people.
I definitely feel moving to new places made me feel able to just go out and do things by myself. Maybe it helps that I’m an only child too. Either way. I love going to the movies alone and just exploring a town is great fun by yourself. 🙂
I go eat in restaurants alone at least once a month, haha! I also LOVE going to see movies alone! I’ve always loved getting some “me” time!
Going to a Sunday early matinee movie followed with a delicious lunch is one of my favorite “alone” activities. I love it and always recommend others to try it!
I like doing a lot of things alone: concerts, shopping, movies, coffee shops. But I draw the line at stand up comedy shows; I don’t want to be the butt of a “you’re here by yourself?” joke.
x
Bobbi
http://www.productdoll.com
I used to feel like this too about eating alone. It took going away for work one weekend and having to eat dinner out alone or not eat at all. Ever since then, I’ve really enjoyed it. I usually take a good book with me 🙂
Alone. Definitely. If I feel nervous about that, I’d have trouble traveling alone as well. When I eat out alone [especially in a foreign country], I get to actually savor what I’m eating as well as the moment. I enjoy the change in scenery as well as the presence of random strangers minding their own businesses. I don’t know what exactly, but something about the mystique of lone outing appeals to me.
I don’t 100% feel comfortable eating alone, lunch does not bother me as much as dinner. If I do have dinner by myself than I prefer to sit at the bar. Movies are ok, but I don’t think a concert by myself would appeal to me. I’m an E, and I think I want to be able to “share” the experience with someone else. Also, I hate going to bars alone, when I fist moved I tried it once and felt so awkward because I was hit on so much (which sounds weird) but it made me uncomfortable.
I love to eat out by myself! I can sketch, take my time, order whatever I want and, best of all, not have to worry about sharing! 😉
I have no qualms about eating out by myself, and I’m perfectly fine going shopping or exploring new places on my own. I feel equally comfortable doing all this with others, so I don’t know if it has much to do with being introverted or extroverted. I don’t know if I was always this comfortable eating out or going somewhere alone; in retrospect, maybe I got some practice during that short period in middle/high school when my “friends” weren’t really friends at all. Every cloud has a silver lining, eh.
P.S. – Hi Melyssa! I’m still alive ^_^
I do this all the time and I really don’t mind at all. I go to the theaters alone, I go to Disneyland alone (thanks to my pass), I even flew in to SLC alone to watch a No Doubt concert ALONE and I had a blast. It’s actually liberating.
Sometimes I love eating on my own, but most of the times I won’t purely because I enjoy sharing food with others so I can really get a “taste” of a restaurant! It has nothing to do with sitting by myself, just the ability to pig out. 🙂
I eat alone all the time! Josh and I are on different schedules a lot of the time and I have no problem eating by myself. I also go see movies and shop by myself.
I LOVE eating out by myself. Yes, it might initially be “stupid”, but it’s very relaxing. I don’t think it has anything to do with being an introvert or extrovert, because I consider myself to be very introverted and am not worried about being out there by myself. If I’ve been to the restaurant before, I have no problem going back and eating there (it helps that I always have a book!)
I enjoy eating out alone, I watch movies alone, I shop alone and I travel alone. I feel free and happy being all by myself, nobody will bother me and I can do whatever I want to do
I love that! I feel very similar. 🙂
My website almost requires that I go to restaurants alone. Oh the conflict. For me, it’s actually a good thing. If I don’t feel like going out alone, I can usually convince myself it’s “for the site”.