Yesterday, my younger brother — a junior in college — shared a video on Facebook of an interview he did for a new website. He talked casually about an experience he’d had — one I’d never heard about — with bullying. The most elementary point of his words was that everyone has a story, often one we’ve never read. We see the outside worlds of people’s inner battles — their anger, frustration, and sadness — but rarely do we get the chance to observe what brought people to that point. My brother’s video, below, reminded me of that.
The video was for a new organization called Bystander Revolution. I immediately visited their site after watching his video and was struck by the power in their simple message — that it only takes one person to stand up for another in order to break the cycle of bullying and unnecessary cruelty. I was in tears after watching their promo video below, which features an array of speakers, from famous celebrities to people like us.
Yesterday, a worker who helped me at the post office had a thick accent that made it difficult to understand what he was saying. Someone in line near us snickered as the worker fumbled his words while helping me send my package. Despite my silent rage, I didn’t do anything, perhaps because sometimes I feel powerless to change people’s thinking, especially when the cruel act can seem so small. But how many times had that worker been laughed at for not speaking fluent English? And more importantly, how many people have said anything to stand up for him? I know that much of the bullying I encounter is small acts of ignorance, but I don’t want that to inhibit me from letting people know that I care, that I hear them, and that I’m on their side. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Likewise, I want to continue to remember that everyone has a backstory. What we see is only a highlight reel. What really matters is what’s behind the scenes.
Thanks for the early morning cry 🙂 That was such a great video (props to your brother for being involved in this great project!). The clip of Michael J. Fox really got me — I haven’t seen him in ages and didn’t know his Parkinson’s had gotten so bad. Beyond that, it’s such a good point! Every little bit of understanding and positive energy we put into the world makes it a better place to live. I definitely stood by so many times in high school when I was an awkward, shy teenager but I’m never going to do that again. Thank you so much for sharing!
I definitely had a good cry over these videos, too. 🙂 And I totally agree — I didn’t realize MJF’s Parkinson’s had gotten so bad either. Was pretty surprising to see…I’m really glad they included him in this series though! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Ah! Those videos totally made me cry.
Me. Too.
Well done to your brother for being mature enough to take such a reflective outlook on this situation! I completely agree with what he says, bullies do need friends. At school, I was bullied by this one girl who had serious issues at home and although it was really rough at the time, as an adult I look back and realise she was projecting her own issues onto other people. For the person being bullied, it may not be an immediate comfort but I think it’s important people recognise WHY people become bullies, it’s usually a much deeper issue.
I completely agree with all of the above! Well said.
Hi Mel,
This is wonderful! Reminds me of John Quiñones’ show on ABC, What Would You Do? It always reaffirms my faith in humanity to see there are everyday people willing to speak up against bullying, abuse and discrimination. Great post!
xoxo,
Jen
http://www.twentieschic.com
I’ve never heard of that show, but I’m so happy to know there are programs that promote that realm of thinking! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
My mom always liked to say that I brought home all the broken people I met. She didn’t mean that as a negative either. It was just that if someone was being made fun of at school, I was was going to be there as their friend. If they had a crappy home life, they could always come to my house to get away for a day or even just a few hours. I’d just invite everyone in. Now, I’ve fallen for some untrue stories in the past, and I’ve been taken advantage of many times. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do what I’m doing. You have to be there for people. They bring something to your life.
While I do think that a lot of bullies have personal issues they’re projecting onto their victims, some people, especially teenagers, are just mean by nature. I was bullied horrendously both in junior high and high school, and I know for a fact that most of the boys who engaged in it had perfectly normal home lives – they just needed to prove their “alpha male dominance” or whatever, and I was an easy target because I didn’t fit the mold of what they considered “normal” or “cool”. Of course you have to try to look at things from other people’s perspectives, but I don’t think we should excuse people’s horrible behavior by saying “yeah but everyone has issues” – that lessens the pain that they’ve caused, sometimes happily, for their victims. It’s a thin line for sure, but I just think it’s something that also needs to be considered.
Here in grad school, where at 24, I am one of the youngest people, bullying and gossip culture is still alive and well. They were bullying one girl so badly, they even invented a hashtag for it on Twitter, which is despicable on all sorts of levels. My friends and I made it a point to get her side of the story – she’s not easy to get along with, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be civil and kind.
You have such a sweet brother! 🙂 He handled that situation so well. I used to be bullied a lot when I was a kid growing up in iowa bc I was the only asian. All I know is.. Hurt people hurt people. I’ve also been on both sides. I know this even by my own experience and how mean I used to be to Jacob when we first got married. If something like that ever happened to me again I wish I had the courage to do what your brother did. 🙂
I was bullied a lot growing up, too, and I totally agree with that statement that hurt people hurt people. I think it made me kind of mean and confused in middle school, since it felt like the only way to fit in. Such an endless cycle, bulling is!
Lately, I’ve been having to stand up for a person that doesn’t have the best past in the world. People judge him solely off of his past and do not give him the chance to even share who he is today. It is sad. I feel protective and want to shelter him from that negativity because … why? The part that gets me is that most of these people are all about hope, faith and love. Apparently, it’s conditional.
Aww 🙁 Well kudos to you for standing up for that person — I bet it means more to them than you could imagine. I hope things work out though!
I love your brother’s story. He handled that situation so well and it’s so great to hear that even though this person was bullying him, he saw behind the bullying and offered his support. I think it’s so true, there’s often something behind the bullying. I never really dealt with bullying towards me, but I do remember this kid who was just mean to everyone. He had me up against a wall once and the only person in school who he was afraid of (another classmate) came out and saw it. She yelled at him and he didn’t bother me again. The next year he went to rehab. When he came back he was a completely different person.
Wow what a story! It made me a little teary-eyed! People just have such gargantuan pasts and personalities that it’s so hard to grasp at first glance why they do the things they do.
Wow, I was so moved by your brother’s story and by the Bystander Revolution; this is definitely a video I’ll be sharing in one of my future weekly newsletters because it’s a topic I feel strongly about. I’m proud to say I had many moments in my childhood of standing up to bullies – – both folk who bullied me and bullied others. I think my courage has perhaps waned a bit in adulthood, but I long for that childlike confidence and belief in doing the right thing by others, no matter the personal or social cost. Thanks for that reminder tonight, Melyssa. Also, how great to see your bro!
You’re just plain awesome, Lauren! I am not at all surprised that you have stood up for people throughout your life. What a difference it makes for someone to be willing to do so. 🙂
Wow, this was very touching. I am really happy to see the the term “bystander” becoming more and more prevalent. When I was teaching in the U.S., the idea of a bystander was used in our bullying lessons and I think it’s an important role for us all to be aware of. Thank you for sharing this!
I completely agree! I think people forget how much power they have just by saying that they disagree with how someone — anyone — is being treated.
What a great initiative. It can be hard for anyone to stand up to a bully, even in the smaller examples such as the postal workers story, but I need to try more. Thanks for the reminder to be better
I’m right there with you, Alys. 🙂
I really love this initiative. I wish there was something like this in the Netherlands. This is much more affective than what they are trying to do over here.
Thank for sharing!
I’m not sure if this initiative is only for the US — I think it’s for anyone in the world. Share it with your friends in the Netherlands and spread it around! 🙂
This is definitely worth doing–speaking up for other people in the moment!
I agree! 🙂
Great Tips!!!
I watched both videos and it really does give you some food for though, huh?
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