![Stop Being Yourself [via The Nectar Collective]](https://melyssagriffin.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/stop-being-yourself-2.jpg)
Hello dear friends! Today I want to tell you about a little epiphany I had while teaching a high school summer course this week. During part of the course, my ESL students practiced listening to English passages and answering questions about them. The students are nearly fluent in English, so the material was more interesting than the basic conversations about weather or buying apples that I’m used to hearing in these types of classes. Interspersed with the speeches about astronomy and global warming was a five-minute excerpt that really made my ears stick up. It talked about Ralph Waldo Emerson’s main teachings. Trust me, you’re gonna dig it.
The part about Emerson’s teachings that grabbed me most was a section about “nonconformity.” The speaker mentioned how this meant being true to yourself and not following the “rules” of the world if they don’t align with your true sense of self. Ok. I kinda knew that but okaaaaay I’ll keep listening. (My inner monologue often sounds like a 15-year-old valley girl).
But then he said something else that made my ears all twitchy again.
“Nonconformity also means not conforming to yourself.
Your past.”
Oh say what? He went on to explain that often we think of this term (nonconformity) as a way to say that you should rebel against society and “be yourself.” You know, stick it to the man! Fist bump! But what if someone doesn’t love who they are? I’m talking about people who feel tied down by their past. You know the ones right? The people whose mantras might be…
I’ll always be depressed.
None of my relationships will ever work out.
I’m going to be overweight for the rest of my life.
Maybe I should just settle for my job, even though it doesn’t bring me joy.
I’m sure there’s a phrase each of us is clinging on to. Well, guess what? Emerson calls bullshit. You are a new person every single day of your life. Often we focus too much on the past, assuming we’re the same girl now as we were five years ago. So that mantra you’re still grasping? Chuck it in the trash, my friend. You are exactly who you want to be.
As the clock ticks by in our ESL class, Emerson spews one last bit of knowledge:
“Trust thyself.”
It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Yet everyday, we make decisions about ourselves based on a girl (or guy, hey fellas!) who no longer exists. Of course, using the past can be helpful and necessary at times, but not when it’s holding you back from being the person you want to be and perhaps, deep down, the person you already are. So maybe a more accurate title for this post today is, “stop being who you were.” Because really, it doesn’t have to be who you are.
Which mantra are you going to let go of today?
![Bob Saget & Ralph Waldo Emerson. Long Lost Twins [via The Nectar Collective]](https://melyssagriffin.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/stop-being-yourself.jpg)
Now, can we all agree that Ralph Waldo Emerson and Bob Saget are quite possibly the same person? Good.
I totally love this post. The whole phrasing non-conformity thing was a bit ‘hipster-ish’ and I tend to stay away from that but this was interesting to read. I think that it’s good to remember we don’t have to be defined by our past because Lord knows we all make mistakes!
hahaha yeah i think “nonconformity” sounds like my high school emo self, but it’s the word emerson uses so i had to! but i’m glad you enjoyed this post! 🙂
AWESOME post! I was in love with the narrative that you had going and I totally get what you are putting down. You made some great points about the power of someone’s past can have over them, but also how EASY it is to break away fro your past and become the person you WANT to be. Loved all of this and great is it that you got a little moment like this while teaching?
Thank you Crystal!! I agree – usually in my past classes (and even now), it can get kind of boring because I’m teaching basic English, but now I have some really advanced students and I feel like a literature teacher and LOVE that! 🙂
Great post! Nonconformity means not conforming to yourself. I like it. I need to remind myself of this 🙂
What happened in the past shouldn’t control who you are today. Emerson said some smart stuff, haha
haha I love your paraphrasing! And yes, what a smart guy, eh!
Very interesting — you’re lucky to have some classes where you can get some kind of deeper discussions. I haven’t had some of those classes in a while, unfortunately, but they can be quite rewarding!
Thanks Polly! And I agree! Most of my classes until now have been very basic English (“do you like watermelons?”…haha) but having a group of advanced students is pretty exciting! Granted, there were only two, but…
oh, I reallllly liked this post! I love the idea of not conforming to yourself or who you used to be. Sure, our past experiences shape our futures, but the whole point of learning from our mistakes is to leave behind the person who made it! Great, great read!
You said it, Emily! I’m really glad you liked this and I appreciated your synopsis 🙂
This post really hit home for me, I love this perspective of not letting your past become you. Thanks for the insight =]
A Golden State of Mind
Anytime ladyfriend! I’m glad it could mean something to you 🙂
Wow – talk about perfect timing! As of late I’ve really been struggling with the idea of who I was/who I “planned on” becoming (ha!) and who I am now. They don’t really align and I was feeling really down and confused – did I mess up? Am I letting my former self down? But your post is on the money – it doesn’t matter! I am who I am today, and that’s that. I can’t control it and there’s certainly no point in overanalyzing it. Regretting NOT conforming to my past self is such a silly waste of energy! Thanks Melyssa 🙂 And PS – good call about Ralph and Bob!! I see the resemblance!
Yay I’m glad it could mean something to you! I think our ideas of who we are and who we want to be are constantly changing, but we can still get stuck in that mindset we had in the past. For the record, if this isn’t who you wanted to become then were you planning on becoming a superhero or…? Because I think you’re pretty darn great the way you are.
Glad you can see the resemblance! Long lost twins for real.
To be fair, clinical depression is a different issue than simple ‘this has happened before and it will happen again’ logic. But I generally agree with the sentiment of this post. It’s so easy to couch yourself in your past and assume it will repeat itself… but there’s no real logic to it.
Hey! Yes, clinical depression unfortunately runs in my family so I am very familiar with it. What I was going for is more the mentality that sometimes, people who are clinically depressed (or even to a lesser degree of depression) can feel boxed into that self without hope of being happy one day. Thank you for sharing! 🙂
Love this post. I couldnt have said it better myself. I feel like some of us are so tied down to our past that we feel that we can’t change or better ourselves, feeling that change isn’t inevitable. We never know our full potential until we let go of that fear and just do it.
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ohsweetreverie.blogspot.com
There.it.is! Thanks for sharing that and I totally agree with you!
Ok, so lady are you in my head?! When I read Crystal’s fitness post the other day I thought “yeah I can do that” but then came the usual, ” yeah but you won’t because you never stick to any fitness regime you’ve tried” – Boo to my inner negative nancy! This post is great, it’s like you’re presonally kicking my ass in to gear. Come monday I have a new weekly wish! 😀
Yes. *robot voice* I am in your head, Claire. *big creepy eyes*
Honestly, whenever I read fitness posts I say the same thing to myself! But I need to snap out of it, too. Can’t wait to see your WW! 🙂
“The self can be compared to a whirlpool in the ocean. A whirlpool is a distinctive feature of the ocean: it’s visible, tangible, and measurable. It’s real. It exists. On the other hand, at any given moment the water that makes up the whirlpool is different from the water that comprised it a moment before, and from the water that will comprise it a moment later. The whirlpool is a pattern that retains a discernible identity while it continues to exist. At any given time, there is no separation between the whirlpool and the ocean. It makes no sense to say that the whirlpool is “here” and the ocean is “there.” Whirlpooling is a feature of the ocean.
It’s the same with the self. The self exists as a pattern: a pattern of behavioral response. But that pattern is always in some degree of flux. While I am always, in some sense, the same person, I am different now than I was at age three, and different from the way I will be at age eighty. My intellectual capacity and memory will decline as I age. My tastes and opinions may change as well. While we are a relatively enduring pattern, we are also constantly changing: learning, developing, maturing, declining.”
http://www.existentialbuddhist.com/2010/09/self-and-not-self/
LOVE this, Phil! That whirlpool analogy is spot on. Thanks for sharing, I really appreciated that.
I really, really love this post. I believe that we can all constantly grow and develop as people, but the hardest part has always been breaking away from history and all the baggage that comes from that. This page is bookmarked for next time I need a little reminder!
Thank you for sharing that, Bethan! I completely agree with you!
this is a great post and a really interesting concept!! i bet you made a bunch of people think real hard about what it meant .. i know i did!
Thank you Britta! haha when I first heard this during class, I was certainly the one thinking really hard and having little epiphanies in my head! haha
I love this so much! It’s why my blog is called Tossing the Script. When you realize that you’re not tied to a certain version of yourself, you’re free to become the person you want to be. And it is a choice you have to make every day. That is the hard part- it is easy for me to go back to “Default Rachel,” and that is why I love your Weekly Wishes linkup- it is helping me make changes to “Default Rachel” so I can become the me that I’ve always wanted to be!
Rachel, that is so wonderful to hear! And I love how you related it to your blog name (which I’ve always loved by the way). I can relate to your Default Rachel because I certainly have a Default Melyssa. I’m glad WW is helping you to break out of that default setting and I find that it’s helping me too. It’s hard to let go of the past because it seems like it’s US, but I know I need to keep these emerson thoughts in my head to constantly reshape who I am. Thank you for sharing!
My favourite line is definitely the one of being a new person each morning! What a great way to not allow your past to pull you down.
Totally! That friend of mine is just overflowing with unique perspectives and that mindset is so “him.” I love it too!